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It had been several weeks since Jack came home for a vacation. We always make the most of the time together, but that doesn’t make it any easier when he’s gone. I am pretty busy, taking care of the kids and being in school full-time, that helps me keep my mind off of sex, but it’s far from perfect.

There are stretches where I don’t think about it at all, it just doesn’t bother me, and there are times when I am so distracted I think I’ll drive off the road. I don’t seem to get to decide when I get to be in which mood.

I had been fine for a while. A friend of ours, whose husband was also away, came and stayed with us for a couple of weeks on and off. It had turned out to be rather stressful, our kids combined weren’t a pleasure to take care of. She was also very sexually frustrated, in their case because of poor communication, and hearing her problems, while making me appreciate Jack even more, didn’t make me horny. I didn’t think of sex at all for about a month.

I have my releases, chocolate, romance novels, naps. I get my mom to watch the kids a few times a week so that I can have a break for a couple of hours. But I never have any time completely to myself.

Then August came. There was a glitch with my classes, and in a flurry I had to re-arrange my class load, and wound up with all online classes. This wasn’t terrible, I have had mostly good results with online classes, and they have scheduling advantages. If I can’t sleep, I can always stay up and do homework after the kids are asleep. But with this semester, the kids are at their own school during the day. In the summer I couldn’t concentrate with them in and out of the house all of the time. That wouldn’t be a problem now.

And so the schedule settled in, and I got used to running the kids to school in the morning, and having the day to myself. I would do some cleaning, get a nap, go to the store, do what I needed to. Sometimes I would meet up with old friends, I had recently re-connected with a lot of old friends on Facebook, we would go to lunch. But now was when I had time to get lonely. I had been warned that this would happen, staying busy makes the time go by faster, but I needed some breathing room. Now that I had it, I was worried that I wouldn’t have anything to do with myself. I exercised a lot, walking, working on the elliptical while I watched HGTV, (something I couldn’t get away with when Jack was around,) and trying to make sure I didn’t become lazy and bored.

It didn’t help that all the music I listened to seemed to be about Jack being gone. “I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues” by Elton John, “So Far Away” by Dire Straits, “Jealousy” by The Pet Shop Boys, “Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls” by Book of Love, and so on. Even the ones that weren’t were slanted that way if I listened to them enough.

(I think I just told you how old we actually are.)

I was online one day when Jack popped up.

“Hi, any surprises?”

“By surprises, you mean,….”

“Anything you didn’t think was going to happen today?”

“You overestimate the interestingness of my life.”

“People who know us don’t think so. We are interesting people indeed.”

“Well, the people who know us can come take my American Government quiz.”

“It’s not THAT bad, is it?”

“I guess not, I’m still doing well. I just hate the process. What else is on your mind?”

“Mostly you lately.”

“How so?”

“I just am really aware of how long it’s been since I got laid.”

“It’s been just as long for me.”

“I know. I just have some down time and I have nothing else to think about.”

“I know the feeling.” I thought about this for a second. “So, what do you do over there when you’re all alone with nothing to do? :)”

“What do you think I do? :)”

“I’m sure I don’t know. Bowling, cultural enrichment, bible study.”

“Yes, I make time for all of those things.”

“Do you even have time or space for jerking off?”

“Surprisingly, yes. It’s normally two to a room here, but because of my leadership job and the fact that everyone is leaving, there is plenty of space here. I haven’t had a roommate for weeks.”

“So what, you just walk around naked all the time and jerk off whenever you feel the need?”

“Naked, with a thin layer of axle grease.”

“Oh ick.”

“You asked. :D” “I suppose I did. So how often, really?”

“That I jerk off?”

“Yeah. Like every day?”

“Oh no. More like a few times a week.”

“I would have thought more often.”

“I suppose I COULD do it a lot more often, I just really don’t get that into it. It’s not like the real thing. I’m not like some of these guys who had their left nut replaced with a lotion dispenser. Besides, the artificial stimulus gets boring.”

“How much do you have?” I knew porn is against the rules there.

“Almost none. It’s just not worth the trouble. Some of these guys have password protected hard drives that they share and sell from, it’s just not worth the trouble to me. I prefer reading things. I can buy erotica for my Kindle reader, it’s much less….illicit.”

“What, literary porn is safer than visual porn?”

“As bursa escort far as they who control things over here think it is. Hate the game, not the playa. ;)”

(Military puritanism and microcontrol never stopped amazing me.)

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How often do you have some alone time to let Calgon take you to an orgasm?”

He knew it was a rhetorical question. It just isn’t my thing. When I do it, all I can think about is how it’s not as good as the real thing. It takes too much time and emotion to get into it, and it doesn’t make me feel better. When I’m done, I’m still lonely and tired. Honestly, I don’t have much success on my own, if the success is an orgasm. I just have a hard time getting all the way there by myself. We have toys, and I do play with them, mostly in front of him. I enjoy doing it in front of him and seeing him get off watching me. Especially when I can tell he really wants to touch me, but at the same time he’s wanting me to do it by myself, imagining that I’m getting off by myself at home. It’s cheating if he helps me. But while I do it, and he’s watching me, stroking himself, it’s all he can do to make sure he doesn’t cum before he has a chance to fuck me.

“I’ve been busy.”

“You aren’t THAT busy.”

“It just isn’t on my list of things to do.”

“I know. But you know I like to imagine it anyway, right?”

“You say that, but I’m not sure why. I don’t know how my getting off helps you.”

“Because if you are masturbating, it means that I keep you so wound up, so horny, you can’t wait until I’m there to have pleasure. You need it all the time because I have left you so aroused, and the thought of us together makes you need to cum RIGHT NOW.”

“I’m making you a flowchart to show you the difference in how male and female thought processes work.”

“I just look at it this way. We will be apart for a while. I will do the old knuckle shuffle from time to time to keep from going crazy. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

“Right. I’m not worried that the picture of your right hand in your wallet is going to take my place.”

“So, I’ll come home, still horny, but having had a lot of sexual release while I was gone. There might be some adjustment, but I’ll be ready to get back to normal, right?”

“”We’ll see.”

“But if we’re apart for a year, and you don’t have any sexual release in the meantime, I’m afraid your wiring won’t be the same when I get home.”

“I can assure you, there’s nothing wrong with my wiring. You know full well that your fantastic oral will always make me remember how it works.”

“We’ll see. 🙂 You know I don’t really care whether or not you do it, I just like to imagine it.”

“I know, and I like that too, it just isn’t enough to make it worth it to me.”

“Well, sometimes you are more horny than others, right?”


“And there are times you really miss cock, even if you aren’t convinced it’s as good as having sex, right?”

“I don’t know if I’m that lurid, but I suppose.”

“All I’m saying is, there are some times you are probably closer to enjoying it than others. Just some of those times, give yourself some alone time, relax, go to bed or the bath, get a toy or two, think some nasty thoughts, read a dirty book for help, and see what happens.”

What he was saying wasn’t unappealing at all, I like the idea. It’s just that when I actually try it, it’s never as good as it seems when I imagined it.

“I don’t mind trying it, just don’t get your hopes up anticipating the results.”

“To have a thing is not so nice as to want. It is illogical, but often true.”


“No, Trek. Pretty deep, huh? :D”

“You just ruined it all.”

“That would be my worst fear.”

“It’s just that sometimes I get there, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about, or how I’m supposed to feel.”

“Does it need to be complicated?”

“Compared to what’s in your head when you do it, almost certainly.”

“Maybe that’s the problem. It should give you physical release, not as much emotional.”

“I don’t know how to separate the two.”

“Do this. Get where you are comfortable. Where do you like it better, the bed or the bath?”

“Probably the bath. At least, I have the shower nozzle there for backup.”

“Hardware is an important concern too. Can you take a toy or two with you? We have some waterproof ones.”

“I guess.”

“Now, take some reading material with you. We have plenty of books and magazines, take some with you, it’s ok if they get water stains on them, it won’t affect the resale value.”

“(eyes rolling)”

“The point is, don’t use your own imagination to get yourself warmed up. There is an entire industry dedicated to arouse your erotic senses. Let them do their job.”

“I read my romance novels all the time. Some of them are hot, but they don’t get me worked up enough to masturbate.”

“That’s because they are mainly written with the aim to stir your emotions, not your loins. Women prefer emotional escapism, guys like physical and visual.”

“SO glad I mentioned bursa escort bayan it. Then what?”

“Just relax. Don’t be in a hurry. Only do what you feel like. If you want to touch a little, just do that. If it leads you to more desire, then move on. If you just don’t want to, then don’t. You can try it again the next time you are relaxed, alone, and horny.”

I had to admit, he was making it sound better and better.

“Then what?”

“Well, if you’re almost there but not quite, do this. Imagine I’m sitting next to you, watching you. As you get hot and closer to orgasm, I match your intensity. When you are close to orgasm, imagine that I move over, and put my cock against your ass as I jerk off and come the same time as you.”

“Yes sir. Any other orders?”

“Yes. You have to report to me what happens.”

“I’m sure I’m not as good as those authors at Penthouse Forum.”

“But they are fat, sweaty bald guys who think about this stuff all day. When YOU write it, I can imagine finishing the story for you when I get home.”

“I do go crazy thinking about you.”

“I know, me too. That’s why I think so much about this. I just want to know that we’re both dying of frustration being away from each other, is that ok?”

I laughed a little out loud.

“Well don’t hurt yourself. I don’t need you writing something official, and have your imagination take over in the middle,”

“Like, ‘Today the unit destroyed two enemy safe houses, captured three prisoners, and identified a key licking her cunt, pushing her to orgasm, flicking her clit with the tip of her…….returned to base and resupplied after briefing the commander’.”

“Honey, don’t get fired or sent to jail.”

“Well, then it’s your duty to help my imagination have an outlet so that I don’t start leaking in inappropriate places.”

“You always leak wherever you want to.”

“As long as no one else notices.”

He continued;

“I know you don’t enjoy this as much as I do. It’s ok. If you are in a place where it sounds appealing, just give it a look, ok?”

“I can do that. It DOES sound good, especially when you describe it to me. I just wish it was US, not just me.”

“I know. Me too. That’s why I think about it so much. I love you so much it aches.”

“I guess that makes sense.” I was getting emotional now.

We continued talking for a while, and then he had to go to sleep to get ready for a graveyard shift.

I went back to the normal routine, and stayed fairly busy. I would have my free days, and usually get a nap in. I didn’t think too much about what Jack had said, and he didn’t say anything either. I guess he is at least smart enough to know that nagging me won’t get me more in the mood to do it.

And I thought about it. It’s not like it’s a chore. Most women do it at least sometimes. I was just one of the fortunate few who prefers real sex, is multi-orgasmic, and cums with her partner stimultaneously almost every single time. I am far from dysfunctional. It’s not like I’m missing anything by not masturbating three times a week. But I still wondered if it was a lot easier than I was making it, if I just needed to relax a little more, not take it so seriously, if I might find it’s easier, faster, and more pleasurable than I had experienced.

I had lunch with my friend Allie the next week. We were driving down to where the Chinese restaurants were, and saw that there was a new store, part of a local business that sells, (what did the ads say?) adult clothing, shoes, and novelties.

“I haven’t been there yet.” Allie saw me looking.

“Me neither. I went to the big one in Salt Lake with Jack, but I haven’t gone into this one yet.”

“Do you want to?” She teased.

“Wasn’t on my to-do list for today.”

“I know, but we can give it a look. Come on, it will be fun.”

So I turned around, we went back and parked, and I found myself looking around to see if there was anyone I knew. Then I realized I didn’t care if there was. We went inside, and actually got carded, they had security at the door. That was flattering I guess, even if it was required by law.

Allie started looking at stripper shoes and underwear. I didn’t ask her if she would ever actually wear them in public. I also reflected that I have a very short list of friends I could come in here with. I had to admit, it wasn’t all terrible, some I might actually try.

We walked through their DVDs and giggled a little, the prices were insane. I guess there were still some people who hadn’t discovered the internet yet. We turned the corner to the toys section, this time of day, we were all alone except for the clerk. She asked us if there was anything she could help us with, we said we would let her know.

Allie asked me how I was holding up by myself, I told her it wasn’t that bad. I talk to Jack all the time, we write each other dirty stories, send naughty ecards, stuff like that. She knew it wasn’t the same.

Allie started looking at some of the cock-shaped dildos, I asked her if there was anything she liked. She said she had one like it once and liked it. I told her that today was escort bursa as good a day as any to re-acquaint herself. She looked at a couple and took one, and oversized black one.

“How about you, are you loaded already?”

“Yes, probably overloaded.”

“How so?”

I gave her the short version of how I have toys, and use them from time to time, but it’s just not a big deal to me. She thought it was odd, most women don’t find it that difficult to reach orgasm. (How many people does she talk to about this?!)

She said it was all up to me, but the best time she ever had with a toy was her Rabbit. I asked her what that was, she showed me a package. Large dildo, rotating beads at the base, rubber ears on the outside, apparently to shiver over the clit at the same time. I said it looked dangerous. The clerk said it was by far their most popular toy, even as expensive as it was. I made a mental note and put it back.

I grabbed some candles and bath oils, and we left, Allie with her new friend. We ate lunch at Chili’s, and I dropped her off at her house.

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Oh, I know what I’m doing. If you want assistance sometime, let me know.”

“Our husbands can dream, right?”

We both laughed and said goodbye.

I went home and got online. After checking my normal stuff, I was about to log off when I remembered. I searched “Rabbit vibe” and I got bombarded with results. Apparently this thing was so successful that EVERYONE made one similar now, anywhere from $50 to $200. That’s a serious investment. I saw that one of the results was actually from Amazon, and I already had some stuff on the list to order from there. I thought about it, free shipping, how bad could it be, and I finally decided that if nothing else, telling Jack about it and using it later in front of him would drive him crazy. Click.

The package got there fast. Romance novel I realized was a repackaged copy of one I already had, text supplement to a book I needed for school, and a long box. I took it out and looked at it. Um, wow. Someone had put some engineering effort into this one. I got curious, and realized that I needed some batteries. That’s one thing we never have a shortage of in this house. I loaded it up and sat on the couch with it. Variable, cool-looking, even a little bit fun. I thought about it for a second, and I decided that I really had nothing else to do.

I turned on some Sheryl Crow, ran a bath, and got comfortable. I took my time, got a razor and all my female primping tools and went to work. I did my face and hair, and my feet and toes. I took the razor and after my arms and legs, I took my time on my pussy. I don’t really like shaving, it gives me problems down below, but Jack loves it when I surprise him by being slippery clean, so I enjoy thinking about him while I do it. I took my time, using very small strokes and rinsing the razor after each one. I relaxed, re-ran the hot water, put a leg up on the side of the tub with the cloth over my face, and just enjoyed the steam and the music for about ten minutes. After I got out, I rubbed a little eucalyptus oil all over and enjoyed the burning. I was actually feeling more feminine than I had in a long time. I realized that I really don’t take a lot of time for myself.

The house was plenty warm, I turned out all the lights, and went back into the bedroom and took off my towel and spread it out on the bed. I got into the porn stash, and got out an illustrated book, lit some candles, and went back to the bed where the new toy was waiting.

I flipped to a story I had read before, I have a guilty pleasure of enjoying erotica that is a bit over the top. I thought about it for a second and got the remote to the Tivo and turned on some soft-core bi action. It couldn’t hurt. The story I was reading was about a younger girl who got seduced by her older female neighbor. It included a description of her getting a massage from the woman that turned erotic, and with the description of the touching, I was getting warm between my legs. I thought about it for a second, and imagined Jack was there with me. Watching me, getting hard, not saying anything. I started playing with the outside of my pussy, twirling around the outside of the clitoral hood, just teasing, and went back to reading. The story led to them taking a shower together and a lot of kissing. I was getting hotter and kept going. I pinched my nipples, and imagined it was Jack. Harder, dammit!! And he did. I imagined him playing with my pussy, massaging my clit and suddenly smacking it gently. Oh fuck.I would tell him to do it again, but he won’t. He likes to surprise me with it. I decided to go all out, I grabbed the Rabbit.

First I put it in by itself. I imagined Jack jamming me hard and shoved it in fast, as far as I could. It was satisfying and big. Slow and hard. I was really getting to like this version of Jack, it was like he was reading my mind. I went slow and hard until I got used to it, then a little more aggressive. I glanced down at the story again, and read it was very raw, with the woman fucking the girl with a strap on, pulling her hair, being abusive. I slapped my clit again. Fuck that cunt. I imagined Jack watching and enjoying me, pushing my hand to make me go harder. Them I turned the controls on, started it spinning fast. Oh my God!! It felt like a drill in my pussy. The ears tickling my clit made it a blur.

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